There be Waves on the Horizon

I am by no means a level headed person when first introduced to change. I twist through an uncomfortable revolution of anger, freak out, sadness, laziness, a wee bit of positive outlook, resignation, and then I start to believe that I can handle this.

I am right now in between the freak out and sadness phases. Now before you join me in my woes, please know that nothing dire is happening, just experiencing the change that comes with being a self employed contractor. Contracts are always slow at new years. Contract work is always changing, and for now the majority of our sources are changing for the worse. Which means Nicole and Casey have to change faster then they can for the benefit of our family.

It is very much like being forced to exercise, you know exercise is good for you, but you sure as hell hate it while you are sweating. Which means that I need writing therapy, so my words are coming back here to the blog.

A new Brain

It's that time of year, time to get a new planner! Years ago I started getting a new planner around the start of school. This one has the rest of 2011 and all of 2012.And I LOVE it! I got a Life Planner, a total splurge!  The cover was customized with my name and my blog name, because really, a planner is about all the moments between waking and sleep. :)

The inside pages are beautiful, each month a new color theme, including tabs! Of course I still have my trusty to-do list, something that I always write on extra paper so I can take just that with me if I need to instead of my entire brain. :) Life is always so orderly with a new planner.

What do you schlep?

I admit it, I carry around a big ole purse that is packed with stuff. I carry more now then I did when Alex was little. Lately I feel like I am carrying way more then I use to. So let's see what I have been dragging around with me lately. First, this is my Vera Bradley Bowler bag that I got for Mother's day three years ago. Now I am not a huge VB fan, but this purse is awesome, everything has a place and I can find anything with my eyes closed. That is a sign of a well designed bag.

 Behold, the Goods...

After emptying everything out of my bag I was left with quite a pile of stuff!

• My planner, which will be retired as of tonight since my new Life Planner is on the Fedex delivery truck as we speak!
• Library Book, Godmother, cute and dark fairytale remake.
• My VB wallet, LOVE it, get asked about it at least once a week.
• Check book, which I usually leave at home, this guy got mixed in with some papers.
• Two thumb drives, it is the core of my work.
• My droid, yay smart phones.
• Mentos Gum, it sure is interesting tasting.
• Alex's leftover twizzler package from the movies a few weeks ago. I think I am going to chuck it.
• Six pens and one Pencil.
• One mini package of crayons, best dollar store find ever! It was a necessity when Alex was little, now it is just casual fun.
• BB&W antibacterial gel
• Colour Juice lip gloss.
• Sun glasses
• Name mints that Casey brought home from a business trip.
• Chapstick, can't live without it.
• Beaver Balm cuticle care, AMAZING stuff.
• Mascara, eyeliner, brush and eyeshadow set for today. I was running late and knew I would have time to apply it at the client site.
• Two hair ties
• Big ass pile of random papers.
• A book of Logic puzzles, fun to entertain myself with when Alex takes over my phone for Angry birds.

So at the moment, my purse is washing away grime and dirt, and I am sorting through this pile of stuff to decide what I really need to schlep around with me.

So what do you take with you everywhere?

Go away Summer.

It finally rained here. It is still raining after 4 hours, little steady soaking rain. Fabulous rain. I can't tell you how giddy we are over it. I can relate to those scenes in old westerns when people would go outside and splash in rain puddles when the rains finally came for their crops. Serious water bliss right now.

This weather has shoved me hard into the "I am done with summer and the heat" camp. I am ready for Fall, for school to start, for lunches to be packed, for my Fall mantel to be setup, for Halloween to start creeping in, and for knitting to fill my hands again.

Instead, I will slog through another two and a half months of Texas summertime, which means heat and more drought.  I will daydream of Fall and the coming Winter. I will tend my Companion garden ( which should go bonkers after this rain) and wait patiently for it's coming Fall harvest.

Blissed Out on rain. *happy sigh*

Mosaic Life

1. Muffins hogging the paper 2. Rumour has It Adele, played way to loud 3. Casey has been setting his new humidor up 4. Alex's newest Lego city 5. A mama pigeon that we have been protecting 6. My corn in the morning 7. Ugly Pug beer with a pretty cute Pug 8. Pup Love 9. Snackers! 10. Pile of books to read and those I finished 11. Sausage Veggie Feta pasta 12. First day with creamer in my coffee in months!

Training wheels

2 months and 1 week since I last posted. Let's make this first post a test post... let's see if I still have words and stories and ideas to share with you.

• Alex finished 5th grade and his time in public school. We have him in tutoring for the summer to bring his knowledge up to 6th grade private school levels, so it is like school never ended for us. But it is exciting for everyone. Alex is gaining a sense of pride ( in his work and knowledge), we are gaining a sense of confidence that we can all handle the new curriculum ( Abeka, notoriously Challenging), and we have made a great friend and mentor in Alex's tutor, Mrs. Gail.
• I have been working A LOT, spending 3+ days of the week out of the house, and have wrangled through a couple 5 day weeks in the last two months. It's long and tiring, but the paychecks are satisfying.
• The house has therefore fallen into a general state of mess, not that it was perfect with me at home most of the time, but it sure wasn't mass chaos. We are working on systems, but they are slow and lazy due to summer temptations and the call of the pool most evenings.
• Dogs are fabulous. Buddy was recently groomed where we discovered that he has an allergic reaction to the chlorine in the pool. Poor dude doesn't get to swim with us, which has become a favorite treat for him and Bella.
• Steve the Hedgie has been ACTIVE, more active then I can remember him ever being. I think the heat drives him out of his house for long cool water breaks through out the day. I find him most mornings sleeping on his wheel soaking up the AC that blows right there into his cage.
• Crafting: I have been stitching a lot lately, making a large panel of little birds. Love it, it's like magic. Sarah, has feed my desire by sending me a stash of patterns that I have planned for smaller, quicker projects. Enabler! :)
• We had a string of three guests over three weeks, each coming and going independently, fabulous to see them all, but whew, it is tiring playing guest all the time.
• I have been trying to do one thing each week that I have put off for months/years. So I finally hung the mantel mirror and put on the knobs to the bathroom cabinets upstairs. Neither one was hard, but I just never "got around" to it. This week, I want to finish up the touch up paint around the fireplace.

Okay, time to go work on Fourth of July treats. More to come... something special tomorrow!

Up to Speed

My virtual life sure slowed down, I dropped off every social instrument and focused on my day to day. It was great, refocusing, soothing, eye opening. I highly recommend it. But over the last week I have felt myself increasing my speed, getting back to where I was minus all the Facebook distractions. I actually want to write here again and have a mental list of posts and memory features.

 I have been spending lots of time at my desk, working on new projects, prepping new teaching subjects, finishing up this semester of school ( easiest one yet!), and crunching financial numbers. The dogs have been in the house more and more due to the early heat here in Texas. They make a ring of four around my chair and jump up the second I shift, ready to follow me around. It's sweet, but makes for a mess of activity around my feet when I walk around.

 My organizer has been neglected, so I brought it all up to speed, added event after event, bills, menu plans, and Alex events through the end of the school year. I have been toting it along with me everywhere again, it's my brain while my mind is busy with other thoughts.

We are finishing up Alex's stint in public school with fun events like the 5th grade EconMall, where he is making pet rocks to sell. Class parties are all ready being planned and the final state test will be on Thursday. We keep hearing nightmare stories of school district budget cuts. While I feel for our friends that are going through this issue, I am so so so glad that we made the early decision to put Alex in private school through 8th grade. We are all relaxed, excited about the change, and ready for what this new experience will bring.

Let's finish up with a small list of my current loves:

• Foo Fighters! We watched a bi optic about them a couple weeks ago and now I can't stop myself from singing their songs, especially All My Life. Fabulously cathartic!
• Fiction, I have pealed through four hefty books during my absence, and now have a big stack waiting in my office and more to pick up from the Library.
• Buddy's new haircut, he looks like a little lamb to me. So much that I am always picking him up for a snuggle just to feel his soft short fur on my hands. Like silk!
• The pool, we have been swimming for the last two weeks, the weather is THAT hot all ready. I don't think it has been this hot this early since we have lived here. Whew, we need rain.
• Fresca, the Peach Citrus, I feel like an old lady buying it, but I just LOVE the taste. Yummers!
• Feeling like I am back in the saddle, but not the same me, a new and improved me!

Art is the Stored Honey of the Human Soul

Things have been quiet around the blog here because it has been Spring break and we are living outside instead of warming ourselves within the walls of our house.

 Alex has been creating...

 Buddy has been getting dirty enjoying the warmer weather...

 The dogs have been loved on...

The Botanical gardens have been explored...

The orchids have been amazing...

Steve has come out of his winter home...

We explored SAMA...

Maybe in the next couple of weeks like on this blog will get back to normal. But in the mean time I will be gardening, picture taking, cooking, cleaning, organizing, and reading. Basically enjoying Spring to the fullest!

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

• Explained to your son that his soul is like a lit candle inside of him, and when he is crazy and wild the flame is flickering and snapping to and fro. So you teach him how to calm down and imagine his flame still and steady and lo! it shines brighter?  I have.
• Loved your dog so much that the span of time he has left with you seems so short, so you hold tighter and focus on the fur that grows between his toes making his feet look like fur bell bottoms? I have.
• Cooked so many varied meals in one weekend that the leftover day further in the week is like eating from a gourmet buffet? I have.
• Dreamed of nursing a new baby, not your current baby, one who is fresh and different but so similar to your own that you wake up holding your breathe in that way that mothers have while watching their little ones at their most tender moments? I have.
• Gone out on a limb to see if new possibilities are possible and you wait and wait and the waiting is an odd type of torture because you know once the wanted response comes, everything will change? I have.
• Poked your finger into the soil and popped a seed into the pocket, watered it, and played hippie music to help your new plants grow? I have.
• Felt a step ahead, but not a full step just the space of movement where you were not where you were, but you are not where you will be? I have.
• Celebrated that it is trash day because you missed trash day last week and the can is ready to be empty? I have.
• Missed someone who is long gone, who won't respond, who is not a good balance, but you still want to reach out again anyways? I have.
• Paused and realized that those in your life at this exact moment are only there because you finally nurtured those who are good for you, and you see that each one is a love? I have.

New Years Eve, perfect

We spent New Years Eve at home this year, just like years past. There is a comfort to ringing in a new year within our own walls, with our cooking, our libations, our family and friends. If last night is any indication to have 2011 will be like for us, then we are in for a great year.

Me, tired, happy and anticipating a new year.

Casey, Master and Commander for all things fun.

Alex, a blur all night, there were way too many Nerf fights, snacks, and fireworks to explode to slow down.

Kim, girlie girl with the Fouey pup. The background image is a great peek into the crazy times we had.

Robert, Copilot and instigator of craziness.



Trimming the Life Fat

It's Limbo week, that odd week of the year where the holidays are over and the New Year has yet to start, which means everything is in reflection. I have all ready made my prep list and have moved on to thinking about what I would like to cut out of my life in the next year. For a girl who loves lists, this is the perfect mental workout!

Tangable:

1. Facebook games, I admit it, I love to zone out on Frontierville. The missions, the cropping, the holiday events, it's a vice AND a mega time waster. It takes away time I could be spending with my family, on my house, cooking recipes from the stack of cookbooks we have, gardening, puppy playing, LIFE.
2. Couch time, the TV is ALWAYS on. Time to make some rules about when the TV is on and what is being watched.
3. Paperwork, the sheer amount of paper, mail, contracts, reciepts that we have/store is CRAZY! I want to start purge and organizing this better than it currently is. Maybe even look into Neat Reciepts again.
4. Clutter, it is everywhere, enough said.
5. Processed STUFF, think foods, sodas, snacks, ice creams, etc.  I know how to make all that stuff, so I need to just make it instead of buy it.

InTangable:

1. Stress, I am my own worst enemy. I CREATE stress for some stupid reason. New Mantra= Less Stress is More Living
2. Anxiety, which is closely related to stress. I can work myself up over just about anything.
3. Arguements, I have slowly been realizing that many of the arguements that I am involved in, I start. Ouch!
4. Cursing, yeah I can and do sound like a sailor. Time to stop, I want to sound as educated and classy as I really am.
5. Expectations, I hold a high bar to everyone else but myself. So I want to drop other's bar and pick mine up.

Obviously, my New Year is working towards making a New Me.

The Art of Preparing for a New Year

Every year like clock work, around 5pm on Christmas Day, I get a strong urge to organize, clean, declutter, plan, prepare, and make loads of lists. This year was no different. My mind has been swirling with ideas and plans for 48 hours, so here is my list of prep to be completed by the New Year, with a grace period of course.

The Prep List

• Set up a new Bill Box, Receipt Box, and Contract Box for 2011
• Organize and prep for storage the 2010 boxes listed above.
• Purge the Pantry.
• Mini Goal: Get everything up off the floor.
• Take down Christmas!
• Organize the storage of Christmas
• Label storage Boxes.
• Make a list of what is needed for Next Christmas and tape to Ornament Box
• Prep Spring decoration box
• Paint fireplace and touch up blue walls.
• Hang Mantel Mirror and setup a candle decoration
• Organize, Purge, and deep clean Master Closet.
• Organize, Purge, and deep clean all bathrooms
• Super clean the Fridge and Freezer.
• Organize and Purge books.
• Take books to resale store.
• Take Donations to Goodwill, AFTER the New Year
• Organize my office closet.

Whew! I am going to be busy.

782- All most thwarted!

Whew, that was a close one, I got sick yesterday and wasn't able to post.

Because all I was able to do was lay on the couch under a down comforter, with two dogs piled around me, a glass of water just out of reach, the remote, and a pile of phones. I only surfaced to greet Alex at the door after school, and to shovel some of Casey's cooking in my stomach, and then I passed out again.

I had to work today, like REAL work, as in I needed to get fully dressed and presentable because it wasn't virtual work. Of course the first time I have to do this in 6 months I am dog ass sick.

Enter the love of my cracked out existence, Dayquil tabs. I am so wired on DQ right now that if I stop and look at something with a pattern, my vision gets all sketchy. No joke.

Casey asked me if I am at the heart palpitation part yet. Said like a true veteran of must work a contract while deathly sick days. I am not that bad yet, but I could be if I dose myself one more time. So I won't. Instead I am going to go sit in a hot tub, rub Vicks on my chest, drink a gallon of water, and crawl into bed. Before 9pm.

I have 5 minutes to enact my plan!

What keeps us going



Twinkle Light in the morning

 Cliches have been sliding through my thoughts lately. Phrases like Hope Floats, a Man is an Island unto Himself, It's always greener on the other side of the fence, even lyrics like "Hearts and Hands and Smiles". All these unbidden ideas have been surfacing in the waters around my shores ( to continue the island idea).

When he left for work today and we exchanged Good Byes and answered final queries, I shut the door and wrapped my hands around my warm mug and thought to myself that we were islands, drifting parallel, stopping to discover each other like Unique Columbuses. We tied our anchors to each other and set down roots to hold our islands steady. Alex erupted like an undersea volcano, breaching into his own island, one that is docked between us till he is ready to drift on his own. His island wild and young, green and loud. Close to cultivating civilizations and deep dark forests. Our jobs to buffer him from the world's storms and open him to the world's calms. A trio of Islands, clustered, harboring and holding.

So what keeps us going through the storms and calms. Cliches once again rose to the surface of my mind. One after another, they based themselves on a simple concept. Easy to grasp when you do it blindly with faith. Hard to grasp when your eyes try to focus and direct.  Hope. It keeps us going with every motion and plan. We wake up and Hope that there is coffee. We plan and plot and outline the best possible course, and Hope that our life follows that chart. We send prayers and well wishes across the miles, sheltered in bubbles of Hope. We Hope that the cake tastes as good as it looks. Our trust is draped in Hope. Our love is unlimited in Hope.

I wonder what we can accomplish if we openly and purposefully see the Hope in every situation? Would the storms batter at us with duller edges? Would the sunshine be brighter and more crisp? Would our roots pull up and tangle themselves beneath our islands, nesting us together as we drift? Or would Hope thicken and deepen our roots, settling them into the core below?

 Irregardless, Hope is here. It feds us, shelters us, softens us, strengthens us. So maybe, just maybe, Hope is actually the waters that we Float upon.

Snippets of Love, Life and Loss

• My Mother in Law was here during the Thanksgiving week and let me just say, I Love That Woman! She is calm and supportive and funny and open. We all miss her and can't wait to see her again.
• Casey has been busting his ass to learn a new class to teach and test out on. Scratch that, TWO new classes to teach and test. His first test is this coming Saturday with the second having to be done by the end of year. He is literally the best study-er I have ever seen.
• Our Grand Am blew up this weekend, it broke a piston rod, which makes it nothing but scrap to us. Luckily the service manager at our repair shop wants to buy it, so all I have to do is take him the title, sign it over, get some cash, clean out our stuff and hand over the keys. She was our growing up car, she hauled us all over the place ever since Alex was a newborn. Good memories, good car.
• Our neighbors Yorki was hit by a car this weekend and died. We were the first ones there and Casey was in the process of moving her when they came home. It was horrible, I have never seen someone grieve like she did. The parents were out of town for the holiday week so it was just the daughters at home, both in their early twenties, but neither having had to deal with something like this before. We tried to do as much as we could to help. Casey handled the body and cleaned up the street as best as he could. I tried to direct traffic and help the younger sister help her older sister. There are so many what-ifs and I-told-you-so's for this accident, but the thing that I want to take away from it all is to make sure that our pets are always secure, collared, and safe. It was just so sad and so needless. We both came in the house and snuggled our little pups all night.
• I have been putting together a playlist of music that MAKES me want to move. Like The Killers, Things that I have done, omg that song puts a wiggle in my pants like nothing else. And the Ranconteurs Old Enough. And HELLO Aerosmith's Dude looks like a lady! And I must admit that Fergie's Glamorous is way up there too!  All in an effort to shake my booty to a smaller size. :)
• I finished a HUGE crochet project this past week, a gift for my SIL's. I totally forgot to get a picture of it. It feels great to wrap up a big project like that.
• Steady work starts up for me again next week, which is FABULOUS. I am really looking forward to teaching live classes again. And a steady/bigger paycheck is always welcome.

Noticing the Home.

Perfect Autumn light.

I feel like I am saturated in the elements of my home. I have been noticing all the small details that make this place ours, the objects and views that are so familiar they are all most like loved ones. The daylight hours have shortened and it seems like Mother Nature has decided to make each light filled moment that much more special. Everything is golden, crisp, clear, and vibrant in these moments of seasonal death. Celebrating their lives instead of their demise.


Keeping Archie occupied with bird watching.

I am in the midst of cleaning for family visits, my mother in law arrives early next week. I am pushing towards that moment of clean when I can start "homing", making cozy niches and pleasing scenes. Piling quilts and towels, placing candles and glittering objects. Homing our house, creating comfort and cozy.

A glance into the kitchen that spoke to me of home.

Moving from room to room I keep noticing snippets that speak of us, the people who make the family within these walls. Coats and socks left out look loved and warm. Books and papers look inviting and interesting. The corner of the couch looks just left with lingering warmth. Puppies, like living hot water bottles, are at the ready for snuggling and mindless touches. Between all these bouts of cleaning and purging I see our life in the scenes of living within these walls.

I am so very Thankful for this life and those who share it with me.

The Fog has Arrived...

Planning

About this time of year I get a new planner. In years past I was a die hard fan of one type, but have branched out to other planners of the same style. I love to have sections of each of us and I really dislike planners that break down the day into hours.

I found this new planner a couple weeks ago and I LOVE IT! It has a everything I want/need in a planner and most importantly I use it. :) Due to this new planner I am on the ball for Thanksgiving, most of my prep for MIL visit is done, and Christmas is all most completely purchased and planned for! Fabulous if you ask me!

One Bit of Bright - Our Final hours with Betty

We made a very tough decision yesterday, Casey and I. Alex was at my parents house for the night and our friend who has been helping us with Betty came down to help change her dressing. It was very bad and I knew within a heartbeat of removing the wrappings that she was suffering silently and that we couldn't do this to her any more. Kim and I cleaned her up, bathed her in bacterial killer to try and stop the stink/infection, and wrapped her tumor back up. I looked at Kim when I removed the dressing and just started losing it, she looked at me when we were done and she lost it. It is just so sad to see Betty in the condition that she is in. it doesn't seem fair.

She is still happy to see us, still wagging her tail ( but not like she use too), still eating, still searching us out to sit at our feet. All these Stills made me blind to the fact that she is miserable. She hasn't done her happy rolling around on the ground dance in weeks. She sleeps all day long. She doesn't give kisses. And we haven't seen her do her spunky downward dog "Let's play" move in forever.

So I made the call and got an appointment for this afternoon to end this misery. I am heartbroken and have hide in the bathroom to cry into a towel, and then sucked it up and wiped my tears to get back to whatever I was doing.

I told Alex when I picked him up from my parents house what we were going to do this afternoon and we both broke down in the car, both of us miserable about Betty's suffering and having to say goodbye so soon. Casey and I exchange glances every time she does perk up a bit, like she did today when she came in from a walk about in the yard, she was frisky, playful and we had a spark of hope. And then her playfulness slowly turned into a manic need to rub her tumor on the ground, to scratch at it, and grunt in pain or irritation. It takes so long after one of those sessions to calm her down and help her get rid of her stress. She has been sleeping for hours in my office, and I am dreading 3pm when I need to wake her up and send her outside for one final time before we go to the vet.

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We like to believe that our pets are waiting for us in Heaven, it is comforting to imagine Twain and Yuki waiting to show Betty the ropes, to think of her being there waiting for our someday. This comfort is small but bright in the midst of this misery.

25 different directions

School is completely back in session for both Alex and I. Which means that life is out of our lovely summer mode and is now broken into daily and hourly schedules with lists all over the place. I have night classes this semester because I wanted to open up my days for more work so two times a week our normal schedule is all wonky and Casey is in full Dad mode. On Mon/Weds he takes Alex to tae kwon do, makes sure all home work is done, feeds everyone (leaving a plate for me, so sweet), makes sure evening chores are complete, gets Alex into the shower and in bed by the time I get home. Now he regularly does this when my classes weren't at night, but I am usually around to do most of it. Add to this schedule work and business meetings and the possibility of Casey traveling out of town and we have a highly organized week. On those occasions when Casey is traveling my mom is stepping in to take over for him on the two nights I am at school. Thank goodness for Grandmothers!

Alex is having a great time in 5th grade so far, loves his teacher and the kids in his class are great. We all have a great feeling about this year. That makes me really happy.

The four classes I am taking this semester are going to kick my ass! I have English Comp II and Fitness& Wellness online , neither one is really a big brain buster but both have LOTS of work. It's my night classes that will kill me slowly, first up is Accounting 1 ( yes I know a lot of this all ready, but the online quizzing/testing is very very detailed) and then Macroeconomics (still to early to decide how I feel about this one, I do have a crazy instructor though). I know it will get harder for me once the time changes and my classes are in the dark, I hate not being home at night so this will be an adjustment. Wish me luck!