My Artful Mothering.

Rounded, plump, glistening globe
Hovering in the forest of lashes
Reflecting Heart words and Soulful cries
Ready to tumble down the slope
Of his solar kissed cheek
Followed by siblings, rioting
with emotions and pain
Racing from his ache and worry
Swept back by my fingertips
To the temples of his crown
Covered by maternal blessings
Making the bastards disperse
From the Kaleidoscope of Alex's Mind

Letter to Alex

Dear Alex,

Here we are all ready in another school year, but this time you are going into fourth grade. I know I say it every year, but how did that happen so fast? Time really does fly when your child is growing up. I have noticed over this summer that you are maturing so quickly, both physically and mentally. Your body has stretched to show us a hint of the height you will reach, your shoulders have lost their slimness that you always had, and are now muscular and defined. You are still whip thin, but getting the swimmers body that you deserve with how much time you spent in the pool this year. I have never seen a kid who loves being in the water so much!

School work on the first day!

This summer we had to travel through a litany of medical tests and procedures for allergies, hearing, vision and the dreaded dentist. You have been awesome through all the appointments we had to go to. Even the dentist which you were worried about. The dentist was a great reminder to you that if you forget or shirk your responsibilities, like brushing your teeth, then you will have to pay the price later. For you it was two fillings and one tooth pulled, but not nearly as bad as they originally said it would be. And let's not forget how crazy funny you were with laughing gas, brought me to the point of tears. :)

Regardless of the mistakes, we are so proud of you and of how you have handled all the change. You are a master teeth brusher now. You take your allergy meds, which there are so many of, like a champs because you know that it won't last for very long, just long enough to get you through it.

A teacher treat! She has got to be nice if you got a bag of Lucky Charms on the first day!

Alex, this past year has brought many changes to your personality, things that we see as parents that you might not be aware of. You are DARING, love to try new things, even pushing through your fear this past year to get to the good parts. You love your friends, and have learned to be aware of their needs. You and Austin have grown really close, and have both struggled through this separation. But when you two are together, it is like a day was never missed. You have been making new friends, friends who are nice to you instead of you always trying to chase after the kids who are mean. I know you are just trying to show them that you are a great friend and trying to win them over, but in life not everybody will be your friend. You have learned to read the signs and move on to others even though I know it has hurt your feelings a little bit. But mostly I am proud of how you handle dealing with them AFTER the rejection, you treat them nicely, you still prove what a great guy you are, and most of them have come around to now wanting to be your friend. Good job buddy! Speaking of buddy, I have been trying not to call you my baby any more, I know, I know, your are 9, but you will always be my baby. So I have started to call you Buddy, even though I slip up most times. Just remember that Buddy is just as special as Baby to your Mom.

Your silly smile, it is hard to get you to smile nice at the camera anymore.

Alex I wish and pray for a fabulous new school year for you! You have a new class with new kids. Your teacher is great, steady and firm, fun and caring. You have a whole year to reach your goals, make new friends, and learn so much. You are still a crazy funny kid, which we love to see and always laugh over. Just remember when to be crazy funny and when to follow the rules. We are a family of rule "benders" and we hope that we have taught you when to notice the breaking point, just don't use those new skills on us Buddy! *grin*

Finally a nice smile.

You have two years till Middle school, two years till lockers, 6 different classes, band, more homework then you can imagine, and no recess. Two years Alex to enjoy, learn and grow. We love you and will do everything we can to make these last two years in Elementary School fun and exciting, but don't try to grow up to fast. Enjoy this time, have fun and use your imagination! Bury yourself in books, Cub Scouts, bible studies and friends. Make the best use of every minute of your day and lay yourself down at night with your mind full of all the new things you have learned.Rest easy in knowing that your Mom and Dad will always be there for you to help with homework or friendwork. You are deeply loved Alex, beyond the Moon and the Stars.

We love you Alex!

Mom and Dad

...

Is it just me or is every blogger (both big and small) pregnant or just had a baby???

Dang, I never ever expected this, but I felt a little green eyed monster inside me today when I read a pregnant blogger post and she showed her 35 week belly.

All most 9 years after having Alex I was actually envious of a soon to be mommy. :(

A moment I will never forget... TMI Ahead

Sunday we were out with friends before we needed to head to a Scout event. Because the kiddos were hungry we went to our favorite Chinese place. I ended up on my side of the booth with two kids, Alex being farthest away from me.

Sharon has a rule that if your mom has something on her plate that you haven't had before, then you must try it. Up until that meal this has worked out well because Alex wants to do what Austin does, and all most every food he tries he likes. Well Sunday the food was broccoli with cheese sauce, which was perfectly fine for everyone else at the table to eat. Until...

Alex, well I think he decided from first glance that he didn't want to eat it. But he muscled the piece into his mouth and started chewing and then started gagging. I have a very distinct image of me pointing at him and saying, "Oh NO! Don't you dare do that!", which I immediately followed up with, "Did you just throw up in your mouth???" Head nodding followed along with the actual barfing into the plate. Which I was frantically covering up with paper napkins so to not cause a barf reflex fest at our table. What followed was me taking BarfMan outside for a conversation and a very stern set of instructions for him to wash up in the bathroom, and me being very tense.

My seven year old son barfed up cheesy broccoli into his plate of Chinese food because he didn't want it. Crap...

I need a massage. And glass of wine. And maybe a plane ticket to Vegas.

Captured

Freckles and Lashes.

I was able to sneak my camera up during our Coldplay time tonight. A storm is rolling in and Alex wants to be snuggled between the pillows of his Mommy and Daddy, so there he is. And tonight, I was able to catch him in that sweet sleep soft stage. I traced his face, following the slopes and dips of his bones, and we both listen to the murmurs of Sparks in our ears and the creaking of the siding. With the click of a shutter his eyes slowly open and I see so much more of him.

Old Soul Eyes.

Mother's All around

It is pretty amazing to think that all of us at some point were inside a womb, our Mother's womb. Inside her body, hearing her heart, setting our clocks by it, comforted by the gurgles and swooshes she made. Taking it one step further we can even say that we were all at some point inside our Father's bodies, well at least half of us was.

If you're anything like Alex then you think that the half from the waist down came from Daddy, which makes sense ( in his mind) since it is the same equipment. But that means that his brain came from me and on some days I don't know if that is a good point in my favor. *grin*

Check the source

This past week has been one where I was free of "work" meaning the gigs that bring in cash. I was able to be just a mom and wife. I would find myself stopping and wondering what ever drove me to think it was difficult, what acted as the petri dish to my negative nikki culture. It comes down to my house. I would look at it as a series of chores, of endless mental to-do lists, of goals I had that never or rarely completed. My whine was self imposed, self inflected, and my kiddo copied his mom.

Bugman has been whining like it was an Olympic event, something I am not proud to say. But I am Big Girl enough to admit and recognize that I am the source. My mom will happily tell anyone who asks that I was an accomplished whiner as a child, as a tween, as a teen, and as a twenty something. She tactfully stops at the thirty something mark since I am only weeks into it. Unfortunately, personality and not genetics gave Alex that ability as well. Wouldn't it all be easier blamed on genetics?

Today, started like past Sundays, with bugman declaring as we woke him early, "I hate Sundays". So I turned it into a tickle fest. Breakfast was eggs and donuts, a special treat, nap time (which we both needed, but didn't really get) was going to be rewarded with a candy bag treat, but the afternoon blahs settled in. You know, where I want to sit on the couch and veg to TV and crocheting, and Alex is bored just chasing his shadow in the yard. And because I am stirring things up a bit and the air holds just a touch of summer, I suggested we turn the hose on and let it pour down his slide for an instant water park. Several puddles and smiles later he is happily playing a game while I stay away from the veg tube and start dinner, and tell you all about it of course!

A Good Friday

Tonight during a dinner of shepard's pie and country bread Alex said that he doesn't heard God in his head. I started rambling away at the lips when Casey stopped me with the best explaination ever.

" You know when you are thinking about something that you have to make a desicion on and you can't decide which choice to make, and all of a sudden you know. And you know it is the right choise? Well that is God talking to you in your head."

Simple.
Clear.
Detailed.
Perfect.

It literally brought tears to my eyes immediately and I said the only thing I could, " I love you so much. What a beautiful thing to say." Not to speak for my man, but just to speak of him, he has faith ,solid faith that is there but layered deep. Alex and I regularly attend church, a big fun church that sends us home happy thoughtful and at peace. Casey has come to church with us for those special days, but he mostly handles his faith solo. For such wonderfully poetic words of faith to tumble from my husband's lips, it was breath taking and tear puddling and heart filling. I love moments like that, moments of faith.

The Spider bit the Dust

Alex is a sensitive sort of kid. Mostly because Casey and I are both so protective of him and any danger that could befall him. Alex has also been hanging with a new gang, a group that literally gets startled and shys away if any signs of tears break out. They quietly gather up any toys, and depart the premises if anyone can't handle the occassionaly scrap and pavement biffying. Tough kids, but Happy kids, even the 2 year old in the bunch has the highest tolerence for pain just by association.

Alex is melding with this group and on his own is starting to expect that bumps, bruises and cuts are not Forever Scars and to suck it up try again and move on.

Yesterday, I introduced Alex to the Spider Swing. Remember that? I know you do, its when one person sits on the swing as normal, then the other sits in their lap facing them, so that both riders can pump as they swing, which results in MEGA height. Yesterday, Alex and I Spider'ed and then as I was helping him off my feet slid in the gravel and next thing I know I have literally tossed Alex over my head and I am staring at the blue blue sky with the wind knocked out of me. Alex was immediately up, sort of, crawling his way to me asking if I was okay and once I said I was he bust out crying facing away from me. So I sat him with me and checked him over quickly and then burst out laughing. Alex was shocked and confused by my laughter. What?! Mommy isn't cuddling me, kissing every red and bruising/swelling spot? WTF was written all over his face. So I kept it positive as we sat there in the gravel with all five dogs licking us madly because Hell they have never seen Me flat on my back and ass in the gravel and I am sure the yell that went along with our little trip south got their attention.

So yesterday I learned my lesson as a Mom of a Boy, laugh it off even if it takes you 5 minutes sitting where you fall just to really make sure you didn't break your arm, just to save tough face and to help your son build tough face.

Good times for this lady Grace and her son Shiner face.

The Fine line of Balance

Effort...

That is a big word for me Just enough effort to get by? Effort that goes above and beyond? Effort wasted and squandered on the wrong things? Varying degrees of effort are doled out for everything we decide to do.

Focus...

A second big word that should be expanded only to say Focus on my Family. With this loving focus, I have had to change the amount of effort put to outside obligations.

Tonight, one obligation and the expectations of a single one were lowered. When I was asked with big puppy dog eyes by my son to be his Den leader, I happily said yes, not really aware of the sheer amount of work put into running a den successfully. And I did suceed right out of the gates at having an awesome night planned for every den meeting and getting all my tigers accomplishing their requirments to advance. Simply because I want the best for my son, and if 13 other boys are effected by that, then more the better.

But with this new year and new focus, I have purposely let that obligation slide. I no longer spend 4-6 hours a week preparing for a den meeting. I pick a couple topics, cover them using what tools I can from the school, and get (when I can) some sort of cheap basic craft for the boys to use. I also wear a second hat for the Pack, that of awards coordinator, which is alot of work mostly in the planning and tracking stages, but alot of work still. But with the new focus, that obligation has been totally downsized in my life. No more special trips to the scout shop and council, I hit it up when I happen to be on that side of town which is only once a month. But I have planned that once a month trip to work around the due dates for those awards. I am just not strictly controlled by it anymore.

Well tonight, I had to set things straight with one single ambitious parent who has unfortuntely colored his sons view of the process with his disappointment. Nothing is as heart breaking as hearing a 6 year old say, "Why bother?". So I told him, back off unless you want to take over the job of it and stop influencing your sons enjoyment of the cub scouting process with your obsessive complusive tendencies. And he agreed, mostly because I called him on it and because he knows I won't stand for manipulation. *sigh* It made for a long, mentally draining night.

Once in the car, I shook it off, returned library books and gased up all the while explaing to Alex how the earth rotations on axis and why recycleing is so important.

My family is my focus and if outside events take me away from that, then they must go. Fortuntely, Casey and I agree that scouting is a great event for Alex, and so has my leadership position with the den. But as soon as I can find a capible parent, I am shucking off the mantle of awards and will once again enjoy the process with out disappointment coloring my vision.

Engineering Genius

Behold my Bugman's engineering genius with the train tracks and random blocks ( and ignore the random playroom carpet stains). Seriously my kid loves his old tried and true toys so much more now that we purged his playroom again. With the varied game stations as evidence on the table behind him, the tub of actions figures and the out of sight bookcase of toys you would think he would switch things up a wee bit. But nope, this train track designer ( Six-TEEN DEE-ziners!) has been happy content and CLEANING UP (oh my stars) everyday for a week. Hooray! Hell he could teach TXDot a thing or two about designing freeways.


Whoa, what is Scooby-Doo doing? I didn't have the heart to tell him today that Scooby-Doo creator died. But what does a 6 year old care as long as he can watch his Scooby Dvd's still? And I love this classic face, it is the perfect example of the mixing of our two families. I can see the Price side with the slack jawed look of one who is TV engrossed, and the Boyles eyes figuring out all he see's while his hands do something clever to pass the TV time. Plus you can spy the mole on his right hand that both me and my dad have as well. Love that birthmark. It wasn't something I realized we shared till I noticed we all had it after Alex was born. Love that mark. And notice his glasses, he could feed an army off them. Yuck! And the EARRS, the ears, those are totally Casey's ears and were the first thing I noticed about Alex when they laid him on my tummy. I was to tired and drugged up ( an entirely different post) to count his fingers and toes, but those ears. I remember telling Casey he had his ears and noticing the small bloody footprint on Casey's white polo shirt. The things I remember from childbirth...

So please be careful with me, I'm sensitive

And I'd like to stay that way...

My sweet gentle boy is so sensitive. Tonight we had to go over his hard to lose emotions over the loss of Honey Bear, who has been gone for all most a year and a half. Between snuggles and hugs and wiping his tears, I thought we had it settled for the night, then I heard him crying some more when I had left the room. I came back with more hugs and snuggles, Daddy came in with Twain and had puppy loves, and still my sensitive sweet boy is sniffling.

I was about his age when we gave up one of "my" cats, Bree. As an adult I can see why she was given up, she pee'd everywhere! But it was heart breaking for me, it was something that I dwelled on for months. I can even remember the white kitty sticker I put on my school book cover and wrote, I miss you Bree on it. I think as an only child you rely on those pet friendships. They become our consistent after school companions. And when they are gone whether back to the human society or over the fence into the greenbelt, it is a hard loss to get over.

Tonight Alex was telling me his favorite qualities of Honey Bear, she never licked him too much ans she would pull him around. Two simple basic qualities that made our little boys heart well up and overflow like a pot of honey. When I mentioned that Bella loves to give him kisses and follows him around whenever he is outside, he simply said she licks too much. Which just goes to show that some kissy licks are well placed and are priceless.

Your closet run over... and over... and over

Previously, during one of my Mommy Dearest moments in the summer, I made Alex bag up all the random Hot wheels sets and tracks and get-ups that were scattered all over his playroom. I am seriously starting to re-think the need for a playroom, it should just be called a pit-room. Anyways, so into big black garbage bags these all went and during the following months the only thing to come out of those garbage bags was the Pirate sets and ships. Since the summer, these bags have sat quietly and blessedly ignored in a corner of Alex's closet.

Fast forward to tonight, in an effort to have Alex aware of household chores and his place in them, I had him take up and put away his clean clothes that I had folded downstairs. Pants, no problem. Underwear and socks, no problem. Shirts, sweatshirts, jackets, long long long bouts of silence. Seriously folks the pile of hang up clothes was a foot tall, if not two feet. And I was making him use his step stool to get hangers and hang up the now clean clothes. Everything seemed to be moving along fine, albeit slower then i would accomplish it, but it was getting done. Or so I thought.

* Insert stupid stupid mommy comment here* Come on you know you want to snicker at my soon to be discovered misfortune.

Fast forward to me walking into his closet tonight to find SEVEN pieces of clothing hanging up and all the others piled on his closet floor among hangers and now opened and dumped out bags of previously bagged up sets, tracks and toys.

Fast forward to me, mentally losing it. Me with the devil on my shoulder jumping up and down fanning the flames coming out of my ears and burning the lovely sweet angel on my other shoulder to a nice Char. Oh My Goodness, this kid has NO idea. No IDEA.

Presently, all toys are bagged up and in the hallway for him to help me pile into the car so I can take them to Goodwill tomorrow.

Presently, Alex is HANGING all clothes up and checking the tags to make sure no 4's go up. If 4's are found they go into the nice organized bag I had previously had on the closet floor to give to my moms neighbor with five kids.

Presently, Mommy is ready to open a bottle of wine.

The End.

sleepy promises

Tonight I cuddled with Alex for an extra long time. I was tracing his face and pressing those comfort spots on his face when he has a nose cold. Poor guy is getting the sniffles. While running my finger tips over the bridge of his nose and sweeping them under his eye over the thinnest of skin, I thought of his small skull under my hands, the delicate bones, the image of it and knowing that some day it will be that way, just a skull. That made me want to keep him so close and dear, to dash away all thoughts of time marching forward. I whispered that I will always keep him safe, while I watched his eyelashes flutter on his cheeks and I listened to the sweet rhythm of his breath, while we cuddled in folds of flannel and sleep.