Pulse

If I sit really still I can feel my pulse beat a thud behind my belly button. I have been able to do this ever since I had Alex. Its like my heart dropped lower in my chest to be closer to my womb.

Daybook

FOR TODAY March 16, 2009...

Outside My Window... it is clear and sunny

I am thinking... about today's to-do's, like cleaning up my desk.

I am thankful for... Casey's mad Google skills

From the craft room... messes from my scrapping this weekend, need to clean it up and organize.

From the kitchen... Maybe beef stew today, but for sure I am making Lemon cakes.

I am wearing... Blue paisley pj pants, a sky blue tank, and an indigo hoodie.

I am creating... lists.

I am going... to enjoy every second of my day!

I am reading... My bible, Darktower 7, and cookbooks.

I am hoping... to feel better today.

I am hearing... morning sounds, Casey snoring and the heater kicking on.

One of my favorite things... coffee and creamer.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week:
Monday: list tackling.
Tuesday: work
Wednesday: cleaning, gardening and garage sale prep.
Thursday: garage sale prep
Friday: work and a scout crossover meeting.
Saturday: Garage Sale
Sunday: Airport

Cheery

I did it, well actually I did TWO things.

1. I cheered myself up some.
2. I scrapped for the first time in a LONG time.

Made this fun Spring Garland from a kit.

It will look great with our Easter mantel when I can get that up.
I love this little birdie.
But these two as well!

And say Hello to my little Mushroom pots. Aren't they adorable?

Blah

I have not been myself lately. Between three colds, sinus infections, headaches, body aches, my best friend leaving for over a year, up and down weather, and Casey's in and out schedule I have been a shadow of me. I can not figure out if it is depression, lingering colds, or lack of a routine but I hate who I am right now.

I wake up grumpy.

I can shoot dirty looks for the smallest thing.

I whine, a lot.

I am pissed one minute, needing a hug the next.

I am Mean Nicole, who has zero inspiration, motivation and patience.

Except when it comes to cooking, I have been a bad ass cook lately. Finding comfort in foods we have never tried before. Rhythm in the process of dicing, stirring, heating, baking, cleaning dishes. If the urge for rice pudding strikes me, like it did last night, I make it, tweaking the recipe to be sweeter, like I would like to be.

Damn funk needs to go away. Or else my family will be eating mashed potatoes, pot roast, and bacon green beans every single night, and then we will all be super fat too.

Ppphhhfffttt!

Signs

Spring is on its way here to the Alamo City. Not only do we have a huge rain storm coming our way as I type, but the trees are uncurling their leaves. I wanted to take a picture of this head of leaves exploding from their buds. And look who crawled out of the underside to come say Hi! Later this afternoon, this cluster was a full fledged leaf bouquet, nothing curly about it.

A list of Good things

I am feeling grumpy today, so to counter act the grumpyness I am making a Good things list.

• Wheat Thins and Coke Zero
• The coming rain
• My onion, shallot, and garlic bed.
• Pups
• Kiddo snuggles
• Casey's home for two weeks.
• Knuckles with Baby JP
• Maria's Taco Express in Austin, seriously great.
• My new nail polish
• Recipes from Foodnetwork.com
• Our bed.
• Clean floors.
• Music, oh for the love of music.
• Attempting good things when grumpy.

Dog Bed

What's that?! Me? No, I am not napping. I am not snuggled up to Daddy's pillow for an afternoon nap. No way, you must be mistaken.
No really, I was just warming it for him. Because he is on his way home you know!

Where you going? I thought we were talking about a nap?

Hey Mom, I have a problem...

I use to have two beds to choose from...

And they were somewhere over here...

At least this is where they have always been...

But now they are gone. Where did they go?

Yeah, where did they go? Are you washing them??

Aaww, Mom you are washing them! You sure we can't just sleep on your big dog bed tonight?

No way doggies, Mommy has a date with Daddy in the big bed tonight.

Take Your Time, we tell him.

Today Alex has his first TAKS test on Reading. In third freaking grade. What are those stupid government people thinking, giving a third grader a test like that???? That is what high school and college are for!

Anyways, we keep telling him, like a mantra, Take Your Time. You don't have to finish First. Read the passage twice before answering questions. You have all day. (Literally they can keep testing till 5pm).

One major struggle for Alex will be the No talking rule. None, at all! They have even gone to so far as to disconnect the hand driers in the bathrooms, in case the kids sneak a chat under the blower noise. Remember this is third grade. Freaking third grade! Those cheaters!!

We were up early to have a breakfast of waffles, strawberries and "wobbly" bacon. That would be bacon cooked till soft, not crisp. And he ate double what he normally does. I think he was afraid of not eating till lunch. Regardless, he is stuffed. And we went to school early, just so he could have time on the playground since that was nixed from the daily schedule as well. Remember No Talking, they might pass each other the answers.

The remains of breakfast requests.

The only thing he was allowed to bring to school today was a hoodie and lunch. No back pack, no papers, no books. So I packed his lunch full of doubles. Double Hot Dogs, Double String Cheese, Double Apple Juice. And a Peep Cake. Because seriously, cupcakes can make any test easier. And they are cute. And Yummy. And now are calling my name. Peep Cakes.

Don't you love Easter Candy?

And before he jumped out of the car, I drew a circle on his hand to remind him that We love him. To Remind him that we know he will do great. And to Remind him to Take his Time.

A Liability?

I have no shame, that is evident in the posting of this picture.

But this picture also shows my current worry. My hair. I love it, seriously. It is probably two inches longer than it was here.

Here where I am taunting a whopping crane to do the Karate Kid with me. Which he was.

But after watching Big Love last night, where Kathy has a really bad experience with a braid stuck in the truck door, a telephone pole and a broken neck, I think all the signs are there, that it is time to cut my hair. Now I just have to do it.

That might take a couple more inches to convince me. But the whole time I will be worried about catching my hair in the car door.

The Start

There is something so personal about waking up early in the morning, when the sky is still dark, the horizon smudged with purple lights. If I catch myself right, I can wake up right in between sleep cycles around 4:30am. A horrible time if I let myself think about, because I love few things more than sleep. The whole process of sleep has been a life long love affair. But slowly, in weekly snatches from the last four years, the hours before dawn have been romancing me.

There is a thought that always enters my minds on those dark mornings, that there is still a significant number of people slumbering in their beds, dreading the alarm that is soon to go off. I find myself smiling over that thought, of all those bodies warm and snug in so many houses all around me.

There are a few, whose houses are all ready bright with lights, whose kitchen smells of coffee and cereals. A few kindred spirits. Us, who wake early to start the day. Us, who know that the early morning hour has the potential to pause the forward motion of time, just so we can get more done. Truly, there is a limbo to those few hours before the world whirls into motion.

There are even fewer who walk the dark morning, enjoying the cool breeze, the lack of traffic and sometimes the late to bed nocturnal animals. A few mornings, I have walked with streets covered in frogs. A few mornings, it has been so dense with fog that the day seems to have slipped between worlds, and we have some how ended up in a fairy tale. There have been mornings where the darkness let's words that are so raw and true slip from my lips to the ears of a dear confidant. In those hours, life is so detached so open to reality instead of the events and things that fill our days.

Tomorrow, I will start waking between cycles again. I will embrace the darkness of the new day. I will turn my face to the East and greet the purple smudges on the horizon with a smile and more likely a prayer. The start is always there.