Monday, April 04, 2011

Tidal

There are times when I can barely contain the words and thoughts that my brain churns out. I open my mouth to breathe and I come tumbling out. Then there are times when I sit centered for days and feel not a flutter of comment or commentary. I have been in one of these tides for over a month now. A month of refocus, a time to break old habits, a time to think about my words before they leave my control.

This time has been good for me, a time that has shown me many relationships and events in my life that are tidal in their nature. Friendships, I always seem to be in flux with one or another at any given time. Whether it be purposeful distancing on my part or a retreat after a deep cut, but this time it has been neither. I have slowed down and changed. In this ebb certain friendships have stood out like gems in a tidal pool. One, that is fabulously nurturing, even at an extreme distance. Another that was lost for years, and one call made all our teenage dreams rush back. Neither one is a day to day friendship, both have days/weeks between contact, but that contact is steady and deep.

Others are on their downward slopes, not to an end, but to a low tide. Our lives are different, and difference does make a difference. Our time is weighed on scales that do not match. Maybe months or years from now, we will be in another phase, but for now I have accepted their change. I know that these ends don't have to be tragic and hurtful.

My birthday is soon, and I have been so much more aware of my age this time. Not of my aging, but of what my accomplishments are. Not of what I could have done, but of what I am going to do. The ebb and flow of me, the Nicole in my mind. I am coming into a high tide, and I am looking forward to it.

4 comments:

Lisa 11:46 PM  

wow, this sounds so natural and healthy....I hope it is. it is a total ebb and flow.

<3 you, from a distance :)

Kimberly 11:41 AM  

What a beautiful and so true observation about friendship! I understand where you are but must say I miss reading about your days and hope to see you back soon.

Sarah 5:30 PM  

Well said, very well said. I've noticed the same thing in my life too. I think it's part of growing up, not growing old. We recognize the relationships that are enriching and sustaining to our lives and our souls and keep them close. It's not like it was when we were younger - She who has the most friends is the happiest. It's all about the quality, and no longer about the quantity. Love you, tons and tons.

Word verification: Nessi. (n.) Nessie's oft forgotten little sister, whom rarely makes an appearance in the lake.

Nicole (at) Barefoot + Smitten 6:26 PM  

What a absolutely poetic observation! I love it! You're quickly becoming one of my favorite people to read/convo with via the Internets. Seriously, you're just beyond rad. <3

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