I am remembering...

Casey and I started dating the Fall of 1993, the following summer he introduced me to me Dave Matthews Band and the music and lyrics of that band quickly seeped into every part of my life, my dreams, my future.

Tonight, my husband asked me if I was okay, and when I answered honestly with a shake of my head, he asked me to join him downstairs to sit with him for a while. So I curled up in my corner of the couch and watched a bit of the movie on TV and really just sat there being sad. Sad because of the things that changed and I wasn't even aware of it. Sad because I wasn't trusted and I was avoided. Sad because I thought I knew a relationship so well, and now there is a huge hole in it that I didn't even know was there. After that small bit of time I came up stairs still feeling that tight achiness under my ribs, still feeling isolated and lonely.

And then I saw the lyrics and the note that has been in front of me for 12 years. You see 12 years ago Casey printed out the lyrics to I'll Back You Up and wrote me a note.

Remember 2 things:

1. We'll always be with each other

2. We'll always grow together.

And for 12 years I have posted that note in a sleeve on my bulletin board at eye level. Reading that love note made me realize that my greatest friendship is downstairs snuggled on the couch. My greatest friendship is my marriage. And with that friendship I am not alone. And if I am isolated it is because I make myself that way.

Even though I am greatly sad about something I discovered tonight, I am going to go sit with my husband and Remember those two things he told me so many years ago. I am so thankful that when I told him earlier that I was really sad about something, he understood, he soothed me with the words I needed to hear, and he let me wander aimlessly and he wrote that love note to me so many years ago.

And for my friend, know that I am only ever happy for you, always.